Have not much to say anymore..

I really got no much to say anymore. Don't know i should look forward for our another plan for next year or not. Am not that excited cause what happening this month is really..Speechless. Wish you know how to make things right and make me feel alright when you make last minute changes.

want us to be happy again. Please dear..

thinking about us

sometimes i really don't know how to describe our relationship, for example today. Guess it is and will always be my part and fault when it comes to bad time management. Add a pinch of misunderstanding, a drip of mis-communication, a dash of frustration and you have a perfect concoction to end any and every relationship. the rules that we set aside that we thought would make everything better always never fail to backfire and we get our hands burnt. I went pubbing today, in my opinion i thought it was one of the best nights, just escaping and not having to think about anything. And as always, one thing leads to another and it always somehow or rather leads to an argument. I see myself trying to accomplish as much as i can in as little time as i have, to maximise my efficiency at the cost of our relationship. And you of course, being ever caring and thoughtful want to spend every min, sec and moment with me. I am not saying or complaining about anything. I am blest with what i have but sometimes i cant help but feel that it has become so routine. Other than our relationship, i don't see myself in any part of other relationships. Family, yes, a little i guess. School friends? What the heck, everyone is too busy. Maybe Karen was right, we are starting to take each other for granted and our passion is fading. Maybe it was a wrong idea to suggest change in the first place because it will always be the cause of our unhappiness. Like my problem. Oh well, looks like i can't be the perfect boyfriend that you wish to have. You can give all your time to me but i may not be able to reciprocate it back to you. Maybe i am selfish, maybe i am insecure so i want to accomplish and establish myself. I don't know. What do you think? Maybe i should be that spoilt brat. Won't that be great? Nothing to worry about. Just spending money like a f**king idiot without the least concern of the sweat and blood that went into the earning of that little dollar......

5th Anniversary.

Last 3 days is our 5th anniversary. Well, things didn't go right but it's okay. You're working for your internship and i always try to be there for you (you too when i'm working). Glad that i didn't have band practice, like last minute and rush down to meet you. =)

Dear dear, thank you for trying to be here/there/everywhere with me. As the day goes by, i really noticed i need you more and more and for-e-var~ lol.. To be truthful to you, i seriously enjoyed myself being with you more then the past (you should know). Really big thank you dear and i know what i have/need to change. Try to throw all my bad habits.

and dear, am looking forward on our 6th and 2 events gonna happen that month. You should know what. =) But am alright if we didn't do it, as long you are there with me. I am happy. =)

Thank you and I love you by your dearest Kai.
Hugs and Mooack!

I've been..

My dear is so busy with working this whole month. Hopefully he won't get ill like me. Dear, thank you for everything. I've been loving you every single day. Loving you now and always. Thank you for taking care of me when i'm sick. Actually i like you be naggy, but sometimes kinda scary. haha. I really want to grow up with you. Well, i know is not that easy cause we still staying with our parents and we are still young to get a real job that we going stick to one, $$$ and of course our dream house and stay in together. =) Hopefully all this will come true one day. I hope is true. =)

I miss you dear, take care and love you always by your dearest Kai. Love my moomoo!

Happy 4th!

We have been together for 4th month from now. We go through ups and downs and we tried our best to solve it and change from there. I enjoyed myself whenever you with me. I love you around me always. Just want to say, I really really love you and i never lie and never do anything funny behind your back because i only want you.

Happy 4th dear. Love you. Take care by your dearest kai.

4th month, 4th month.

4 months have passed, 4 months filled with laughter and happiness, sadness ans tears. It has been a small part of our long journey, a journey of a lifetime. Happy 4th month dear, i love you. We have been changing, changing for the better, you going to school on time and me trying to be early. It isn't easy but we are trying, i am trying my best too. I love you dear and i want you to be with me forever. Mooack!

from your dearest dear dear.

3rd Month Anniversary

Enjoyed my time with my dear. So sorry that i made you cry.. I didn't mean it and hopefully you, me will understand each other more in the future. Don't wish to get another argument from each other. Want everything to go smoothly. =)

Dear dear, i did cry a little and after that i was crying inside my heart. Hopefully you will change into better person. I will wait for you dear, i don't care how long it takes. Will try not to give up(as you know, i wanted to). Prove to me that i am wrong. I want to love you forever till the end. I know is not easy, we shall walk and not run anymore. Take things one at the time. I just notice that, we really forget about.. Talk things out.
We must really slow things down now. =)

I love you dear, enjoyed our time at the botanic garden. Watch the stars, lying down on each other and not forgetting hug and kisses.

Happy 3rd Month dear, hold your hand tight.
Love you by your dearest Kai.

My dear look like girl! lol.

My hard working boy~

I find this really cute dear! =P

My skinny boyfriend~ =S

Our 3rd

Am the first to blog after so long. So much has happened. Both good and bad, tears and laughter.

Dear, i am sorry for what happened. I know i should not have shoot at you but you know how i dont like to be accused when the person accusing me does not know the situation. Am sorry that i keep breaking my promises and did not live up to your expectations. It is difficult at times, espeically when i just want to do nothing when i meet you yet we have to worry. I will try my best to change. And i hope you too will work hard. It was quite saddening when you said you did not feel like crying after what happened yesterday. It made me feel like our relationship was not that important to you. Whatever it is, i will never give up on you or leave you. I love you dear. I hope that things will go smoothly and i will try my best to be understanding and not to blast out and vent my anger on you.

Lastly, Happy 3rd Month dear. I love you
from you dearest ben.

Sorry and thank you.

Dear, am really sorry about 26 September, Saturday. Truly sorry. I really didn't mean it what i say to you. I am tired and say the things without thinking. I guess i am selfish and stupid.
and I want to thank you for not giving up on me. I really really need you by my side. I don't know and i don't want to know what if really happen without you around me. Am really sorry.

You surprised me after my work and thank goodness i didn't walk another way and lucky i turned a look behind. Dear! I really love you so much. I don't want you to leave me. Never love someone like this before. =')

Yesterday, 27 September, Sunday. Our 2nd time having sex! Oh my..Enjoyed myself with my dear. We seriously need to get a place that can shower and sleep. I love you dear. I shall go to sleep and join you now.=)

Two is better than One by your dearest Kai, meowmeow.

My dear unglam face. =X I still love you dear.=)

Thoughts

I feel like i am beginning not to know you anymore. You are changing and i guess i am also. Everything that happened just now....sigh. Guess we need to sit down to thrash things out one day. Thinking about it, it really hurts and pains me that you thought that way about me, all of those false accusations.
You know, you have tonnes of things that i am unhappy about but i never once said anything. Yet when you are unhappy with just a tiny bit of me you attack me. Whenever you joke around and make insensivite jokes, you making out with your aj boss etc, you think i don't mind and laugh it off but i do and it hurts because you yourself can make jokes about all of these but if i did the same will you be happy? If i said oh, i will go fuck my aj teacher, will you be happy? When you said that your teacher who might be aj is interested and nice to you, you think it did not affect me? I was afraid but i did not say anything because you said everything was fine. When your straight classmate squeezed your butt you think i was not worried that he might be into you? But you said he is straight etc so i did not dare say more. Everytime you say such stuff or make insensitive jokes or take about your past, all i do is just cry to myself. I don't even say anything let alone accuse you but you did when mine was just a dream. I thought that you were sensitive enough to know that whatever you say affects me but i guess you might not really be. You say that i don't care about you, then why do i get worried for? You can happily say anything you want but when i say something you get pissed and angry and upset. Tell me, who is the selfish one really?? I know after reading these you will keep like crap but i am sorry, i have to let out all my thoughts somehow if not i will explode. Please be more sensitve next time. I know that you like to joke around but there are tonnes of things to joke around and not just these. And please, watch what you say next time because it gets me really upset sometimes. I don't know if i should ignore all of these or just cry to myself thinking about it. You tell me. Should i be concern and thus upset and then i cry or should i just don't give a damn.

Your dear.

Wish i can help you..

Dear, sometimes i wish i really can help you do some of your work.=( But i know i can't, if i can and i don't know i know how. Am hoping you will be alright, don't want you to be so emotional over your work.
Guess what dear, I am trying to do as fast as I can to finish the ITE band design and i really want you to use our lappy because I feel that, you need it more then me for now. Will try to finish everything and let you use. Okay dear?

I want to help you dear. by your dearest Kai, meowmeow.

Your post.

You got me squeezing my eyes reading your post but is alright because is really truth what you write there. Yes, i do get sad and angry and so on because of you. You know me, i will try not to be/get unhappy, angry or whatever unless something really bad happened. Will always be happy and try to think positive always. Sometimes i cry partly because of you and because of me. Am scared about my future and yes, am scared about us too and sometime when you are asleep, I will cry and I didn't tell you that.Sorry. Because am really afraid about the future, and i think you should know why. I don't have a great family like others and my mum told me dad will be stop working after 3 years time?. That is why am really stress about myself and keep thinking about it and you should know my brother are useless, and I want to be there to suppose my family and of course you too. Is really hard for me and i know i always pretend nothing happened and always happy because i don't want you to think too much. You have your problems too and I don't wish to throw my problem, stuff whatever to you.

and I want you to know that i always love you no matter how you trouble me, how long i always wait for you, this and that. It's okay alright? but I want you to learn from all this as you say you want to change to better. Okay dear? Don't wish you to be how you are now, things have to change as you know am changing too. See, i didn't talk about my exs already and trying to stop what is coming out from my mouth that will make you upset, pissed at time.

I shall stop here cause my mind stop working and as you asked me to take panadol and go to sleep.=)
I love you dear and i can't wait to let you listen to the songs from boys like girls. Only like few of their song. Will see you later.! (if you are free and want to meet) and and sorry for everything if i hurt you but i know things won't turn out to be happy ending always. We will get through this together.

by your dearest boyfriend.

Emotional

Today, emotions ran quite high between us. Because of me you missed your ice cream buffet which you were so looking forward to. Don't know what to say about myself. I know you always hate it when i put myself down and start to say things about myself. I know that you love me for all i am but i can't help to tear at times at how much you love me. Sometimes i think about things, about us and stupid things come up which i know will never be the answer. Our relationship has been a roller coaster ride at times. You have to deal with all that i am but yet you still love me for all my faults. Thank you from the bottom of my heart dear. No words can express my gratitude and happiness, to know that someone loves me so so much. I don't know if i can love you as much as you love me but i want you to know that everyday, i want to love you more and more. It is funny how at times we miss each other so much but when we meet, one way or another, something goes wrong, someone gets upset and the outing is spoilt. I guess that is part of all relationships, the bitterness, the sadness, the laughter and the tears. At times i just want to run to you and cry out openly in your arms and know that you are there. Sometimes i want to hug you and never let go. I don't know what the future holds for us and i am scared. I am scared that i will not change for the better, i am scared that you will get annoyed at me and leave me one day. Both of us are still young and are emotional. At times the other is stable and is able to help the other. At times both of us are affected and are moody. I always try my best to be there and help you when you are down but i don't know how long i can do it. At times i am weak and i just want to be comforted also, i want to be reassured by you. I know sometimes you tear because of me. Not just because you miss me but because you do not know what to do with me at times. When i break my promise, when i am lazy, when things don't work out. Loneliness is a killer disease, but at times it helps to be lonely. In lonely times are we able to think. Sometimes i may not reply to you or be in the mood because my day is crappy or i just want some quiet time. I know for yourself no matter how bad your day is you will be happy when you are out with me. I may not be able to do that at times but it is not because i am not happy when we are out. I am, but i just want you to know that i am unhappy. Like today, if i do not write this you might not know some of the things i am feeling. The insecurities i feel at times about the things you say. How you know at times i feel uphappy when you say certain things. I know you were not serious when you were saying them but there are other ways to make me smile. Sometimes i just want to be a kid, and to have to hold me close and looking into my eyes, tell me that everything is going to be okay. You always wonder why i cry when i hear certain songs right? Well, the tears from crying helps to cleanse the soul and make the heart's cries be heard. Sometimes i have my mood swings, at times i want you to be serious in our conversations and outings. Sometimes i want to run away but i know i will be sad if i run away from you. It will not solve anything, it will just make things weird. Feeling negative and not knowing what to do, in our relatioship, in our life, at home and in school, things that both of us have faced countless times. At times i tell myself to look on the bright side but i can't help but be angry and sad and emotional at times. Banging my head against the wall, venting out the anger on myself by hurting myself. Trying not to burden you with my problems.I know you care and want to help but you have things to deal with too. It is weird for me, how we are already together for 2 months. Not because i don't like you or anything, but because i have never been in a proper relationship and i do not know what to do in the future, what to expect but i guess that is why we are journeying together hand in hand in our journey. I will always love you dear and i will always be happy to see you. I know my behaviour sucks at times but i hope you will not mind that. For all the times i made you sad or angry, i am sorry dear.

From your dear, Love you.
p.s. Don't think too much about what i wrote, just need to get it out of my head. Muack
Secrets in Stereo: Happy. The lyrics are what i want to say to you dear.

My tired boy.

Last 2 day was me who is tired and yesterday is your turn. My tired boy. How i wish i can just be at your side always, as in really by your side. My eyes love to see you around and my heart will start miss you in every beat. Watched you sleep on my bed and hugging my teddy, you are so adorable. Just want to squeeze you. We had dinner and watched Bedtime Stories on our lappy and feel like we got nothing to worried and nothing to do(i know we do have things to do). Aww dear, i start to miss you again. Can't wait to see you later. Will have Ice Cream Buffet later! =)

Love you my dear and sleep well by your dearest Kai, meowmeow.

My tired moomoo. Love you dear.

Thanks Dear!

Thanks for following me for two consecutive nights as i took my pictures for photography class. Spending time with my dear was refreshing and good. Even though we only had slow food and walked around, having your presence around was more than enough for me dear:)
My tired boy was all wore out from everything that has happened of late....
Everything is going to be fine okay, like how you always told me. kiss your forehead don't be stressed out anymore dear.
Cant wait to see you for dinner later. rest well my dear boy. love you so much.
By your dearest moomoo :D

Glad.

Am glad that we meet up yesterday. Friday, 18th September and seeing you is enough for me let everything go away. =)

Didn't celebrate our 2nd anniversary but it's alright because I got you all i want.=) That is enough and not asking for more. Only thing i will ask, i want to see my dear everyday if can and want him love more and more each day.. Okay, i got no idea what to type out of the sudden.

Love to be on your side dear by your dearest Kai.

Happy 2nd anniversary dear!

one month late, your dear is a little tiny bit slow :X

Am happy everything worked out fine even though it started off bad. Sorry for always being negative and moody of late. Feel uncomfortable after coming back to singapore. Maybe it is because i am back and i have so much things at hand to finish? I love you too dear! sorry for always making you worry and for thinking and worrying too much about anything and everything. Am happy that you love me and you love me for everything i am, even my bad points but i will work on them to become better =)

And boy ah boy, it is possible for us to be together forever okay. muack!

Love you always dear, want you to know that you are very precious in my life and even though we have our ups and downs sometimes, i am blessed to share them and go through them with you. I love you Kai, always.

From you dearest Ben.

The pictures are out, FINALLY :X

Happy 2nd Anniversary dear!

Dear, am sorry if i did something wrong like saying the things you don't like but you should know am always joke and i want you to know that i really love you and need you. =)
Don't hurt yourself by thinking to much okay dear? and sorry that i cried just now. Am just stressed with things and tired. Don't know how to put it but don't worry. Am fine now! =)

I can't wait to see you later! Happy 2nd Anniversary dear! Go on till forever if possible.
Need you, miss you and always love you by your dearest Kai, meowmeow.

Can't wait.

Dear, am dying to see you. I need a hug from you sooooooo badly.=( Miss you so much like never before. Can't wait to meet you! Come back safely. Hopefully i still can stay awake when you touch down Singapore. Miss hearing your voice too.

Love you & miss you by your dearest kai.

Shocked.

5.21pm, Sunday 13 September. My dear called! The funny thing is, he ask me to decide CK bag for him. So cute. You make me miss you more! Miss hearing your voice. =)
You sound like you did a lot of shopping and you sound happy too! Okay, i have to get back to my work.

Take care dear by your dearest Kai.
Meowmeow love moomoo.

my dear.

Wondering what you are doing now at HK. Guess you having your beauty sleep now. Ororr~ Am shocked that you text me because i wanted to text you but end up you text me first. =)
I miss you like how i ALWAYS miss you and before i leave my school(Yuhua), me and Fian sitting at the flag pole and we just talked about how nice to spend time together with your love one and both of us actually look up and finding the stars and where i started to miss you so much. When i was at McDonald, resting my head on my bag and suddenly, i smell something. YOUR SMELL DEAR! and i start to miss you again. My mind thinking of you and my hand tempting to text you.

Dear, meowmeow missing you sososo much! Can't wait to see you.
AND Am scared i got no time.=( I got lots of things to do, like project, band practice, up-coming concert etc..and as i promise you, i will try find a time for Us and you know i will. =)

Dear, take care and enjoy your time at HK alright? Love and miss you by your dearest Kai, meowmeow.

Spending my day with you.

Spending my time with you. Am happy when you are around me. Enjoyed every moment with you. Every single day i will miss you. Can't stop thinking of you, even if i'm busy i will think of you. Never been like this before, thank you dear for all this. =) Really happy to be with you.

Love you by your dearest Kai,meowmeow.

Look up up up! Stars!

I love the way you hold my hand.

with You.

With you at the Fort Canning Park, bring me a smile and tears. I love you around me and i miss you. Sleeping and holding your hand. =') Enjoyed my time with you always.

It's been a long time we last watched a movie. Yesterday(Tuesday, 8th September), watched Coco Before Chanel with you. Love and enjoyed. Had dinner with you and you finally know what happening to me. Thank you for being there for me. Am going miss you soon.
You are the only one that understand me. Am so happy to have you. =')

Love you and miss you by your dearest Kai.

My Dear

Finally, my turn to write a post after being busy like a bee. Dear, i want you to know how happy i am to be with you and i never want to be without you, love you so so much.

Yesterday at Fort Canning was the sweetest night with you yet. Even though i fell asleep, i fell asleep knowing that i was secured adn that you were there to watch over me and look after me. Thanks for covering me with your jacket too=)

Woke up today and i almost lost me voice but your voice made me happy in the morning. Slept like a moomoo today but at least i feel better and well rested now? Wondering where are you now, still walking, walking. Cant wait to catch Final Destination with you on friday dear, hope you will be feeling better then. The pictures will be up really soon. By tonight!

Missing and loving you by mr moomoo. meow-ack!

Watch you sleep.

Am sure my boy is fast asleep now. My tired, hardworking boy. Moo-ack! I guess our favourite place is Fort Canning. I watch you fall asleep like a little boy after playing, running around but of course you didn't play and run,but busy with your assignment.

Dear, i love you so much! and missing you! waiting to see you. by your dearest Kai.

My cute moomoo sleep.=)

Moomoo, i miss you.

I missing you dear. Always, by your side, everytime. Will always miss you and love you. Don't wish to be apart. Can't wait to see you. Lets finish our work and meet up very soon.=)
But am going miss you when you off to overseas but i can handle it, i guess.

Missing you by your dearest Kai.

Picture taken by Joanna,
at Marina Square Food Court(cock). Edited.

meowkai missing mooben.

Dear, last night was really enjoyable for me because 2days(Saturday&Sunday) without you is just so weird. I know, we talked on the phone but talking on the phone and seeing you is way different. Missing you so much now.

You going be busy this weekends and next week. Don't really know what will/gonna happen. Maybe we should take, a little break from seeing each other and hands on our work. Don't want our assignment hanging behind and forget about them. I know we can't, as we need to hand in them.

Dear, i just want to say i miss you to much right now. Always thinking of you all the time. Thank you for being there for me. I have changed, because of you. Let me release what am i doing now. How i wish i can see you everyday, be on my side always.

Okay, i need to do my assignment now. Dear, I love you/missing you all the time. Take care.hugs you!! by your dearest Kai.

Weekend

The weekend was weird to say the least for us right dear? With Friday, then Sat and of course today. My PMS is officially over :X

Dear, i never want us to be how we were like on Friday, to get angry/disappopinted/upset with each other and at the end we end up hurting ourselves because we feel all crappy inside. I love you and i want to take care of you. Am sorry for now and for any times in the future if i make you disappointed/upset or angry. Shall change my bad habits for my dear since you are changing yourself for me too.

Love you dear! Even though it is the fasting month we will figure something out. It might be a good opportunity also since we can just enjoy the simplicity.

From you dearest ben who loves you and cares for you always. hug you tightly and never letting you go, letting you feel safe and secure in my arms...

Yesterday..

Yesterday is just a horrible day for us. Emotion all over us. I don't wish this to happened again. As WE need each other always and on. Is just hurt to see each other getting disappointed, upset, unhappy etc.. I want us to be happy always and be there for each other. I always looking forward to see you, dear. If only i can see you every single day or whenever i open my eyes, I'll see you next to me. Dear, i love you and i miss you so much everyday. Don't want you to leave me, just want you to hold my hand tight and continue our journey together.

Want to see you, soon. by your dearest Kai.

Our 1 month journey

It has been 1 month since we settled down and got together as partners and dear, i do not regret a sec of it. It is the greatest thing to know you, to find someone who cares for me so much and who only wants the best for me and for us. I don't know what the journey ahead is going to give us but we will get through it hand in hand and we will settle all problems we have together. We will share everything, sadness, happiness, our problems etc.

Just want you to know that i love you so much and like i said, i have never loved anymore this much before. Thank you for letting me feel how it is like to be loved too dear. All i want to do is be by your side everyday to watch you grow and to help you along the way in anyway that i can. Can't wait to discover more and experience new things with you...

By your dearest dear who always loves you, ben, romeo, moomoo, mojojojo, baby
hugs and kisses dear.

1month Anniversary, Dear.

Dear, I can't sleep and i decided to post something about how we spend our time on our first anniversary.
Started with, meet up my dear for dinner and he really look tired/shagged. My tired/hard working boy. Walk him to his campus and off i go do my stuff.(Not going tell you what i did.) Off to the library to do/get some idea for my project and try to kill my time. Dear ended his class kind of early, got shocked when i saw him walk out from the door because i didn't read your message. Oops~ but am happy to see you.=) So we walked to 7-eleven to get something, my dear was hungry and want to get something to munch munch. After that we off to FortCanningPark there? but not really FortCanningPark, is behind National Museum. So ya.. Sit there and spend our lovely 1month anniversary. Surprise dear with Brownie and wrote 'Happy First 18th, Moo2, Meow2'. =) Took few picture of it and we start to dig in, munchmunch. Around 11++ we start to move and head home. Oh ya! Not forgotten, gave each other a love bite. Is not pain like before..

Dear, am so happy to know/have you and not regretting. You are the only one whom understand me and really care about me. I want to watch you grow and always be by my side. Things not going to stop us, because we will sort things out and not keep secret from each other. Will shared everything. =) I want to love you every single day, without you i feel incomplete. Is like sugar, spice and if you dont put everything nice, you wont get a powerpuff girls. You my everything dear. Want to love you always and miss you all the time.

Okay, i should get sleeping now. Is so late already.VERY LATE. Love you dear. Am happy to be with you, don't stop the journey/our love story, now. Will keep on continue..Pagers after pagers. Miles after miles. by your dearest Kai, Juliet, Meowmeow, dear.

Day out with you.

Yesterday really enjoyed myself with you. Although you made me disappointed but it's okay. Understand you got work to do. So, meet my dear at his station, YCK. After that head down to lakeside and we took bus 98M and alight outside McDonald, dear get double Fillet-O-Fish and he really want that shaker fries.My cute boy. Walked to KFC to get my lunch and off we go to my place. A little disppointed about the Adobe but never mind, hopefully I will get the serial no. this Wednesday. So, we watched Hairspray and my boy seems to enjoy watching. After that we head down to HarbourFront, took bus 30 all the way down and meet my gf. Do some grocery shopping for our picnic. Enjoyed my time with you and my gf (XiaoChen). Like you say, we shall go alone next time. =)

Oh dear, i miss you so much. You always make me happy/sad/tears etc.. and all i have to say is, Thank you.=) I don't want us to be apart. Always want you to be by my side and guide me along in this crazy world. Really enjoyed my time with you every moment we spend. We had our first *** yesterday, i do enjoyed it but I worried about you too. Kept asking 'You okay?' because i don't want you to get hurt/pain. I care about you dear. =)

Okay, i can't type anymore. My head hurts. Ouch~ Need you to massage me dear.=)
I love you with all my heart and want you no others by your dearest Kai.