Emotional

Today, emotions ran quite high between us. Because of me you missed your ice cream buffet which you were so looking forward to. Don't know what to say about myself. I know you always hate it when i put myself down and start to say things about myself. I know that you love me for all i am but i can't help to tear at times at how much you love me. Sometimes i think about things, about us and stupid things come up which i know will never be the answer. Our relationship has been a roller coaster ride at times. You have to deal with all that i am but yet you still love me for all my faults. Thank you from the bottom of my heart dear. No words can express my gratitude and happiness, to know that someone loves me so so much. I don't know if i can love you as much as you love me but i want you to know that everyday, i want to love you more and more. It is funny how at times we miss each other so much but when we meet, one way or another, something goes wrong, someone gets upset and the outing is spoilt. I guess that is part of all relationships, the bitterness, the sadness, the laughter and the tears. At times i just want to run to you and cry out openly in your arms and know that you are there. Sometimes i want to hug you and never let go. I don't know what the future holds for us and i am scared. I am scared that i will not change for the better, i am scared that you will get annoyed at me and leave me one day. Both of us are still young and are emotional. At times the other is stable and is able to help the other. At times both of us are affected and are moody. I always try my best to be there and help you when you are down but i don't know how long i can do it. At times i am weak and i just want to be comforted also, i want to be reassured by you. I know sometimes you tear because of me. Not just because you miss me but because you do not know what to do with me at times. When i break my promise, when i am lazy, when things don't work out. Loneliness is a killer disease, but at times it helps to be lonely. In lonely times are we able to think. Sometimes i may not reply to you or be in the mood because my day is crappy or i just want some quiet time. I know for yourself no matter how bad your day is you will be happy when you are out with me. I may not be able to do that at times but it is not because i am not happy when we are out. I am, but i just want you to know that i am unhappy. Like today, if i do not write this you might not know some of the things i am feeling. The insecurities i feel at times about the things you say. How you know at times i feel uphappy when you say certain things. I know you were not serious when you were saying them but there are other ways to make me smile. Sometimes i just want to be a kid, and to have to hold me close and looking into my eyes, tell me that everything is going to be okay. You always wonder why i cry when i hear certain songs right? Well, the tears from crying helps to cleanse the soul and make the heart's cries be heard. Sometimes i have my mood swings, at times i want you to be serious in our conversations and outings. Sometimes i want to run away but i know i will be sad if i run away from you. It will not solve anything, it will just make things weird. Feeling negative and not knowing what to do, in our relatioship, in our life, at home and in school, things that both of us have faced countless times. At times i tell myself to look on the bright side but i can't help but be angry and sad and emotional at times. Banging my head against the wall, venting out the anger on myself by hurting myself. Trying not to burden you with my problems.I know you care and want to help but you have things to deal with too. It is weird for me, how we are already together for 2 months. Not because i don't like you or anything, but because i have never been in a proper relationship and i do not know what to do in the future, what to expect but i guess that is why we are journeying together hand in hand in our journey. I will always love you dear and i will always be happy to see you. I know my behaviour sucks at times but i hope you will not mind that. For all the times i made you sad or angry, i am sorry dear.

From your dear, Love you.
p.s. Don't think too much about what i wrote, just need to get it out of my head. Muack
Secrets in Stereo: Happy. The lyrics are what i want to say to you dear.