3rd Month Anniversary

Enjoyed my time with my dear. So sorry that i made you cry.. I didn't mean it and hopefully you, me will understand each other more in the future. Don't wish to get another argument from each other. Want everything to go smoothly. =)

Dear dear, i did cry a little and after that i was crying inside my heart. Hopefully you will change into better person. I will wait for you dear, i don't care how long it takes. Will try not to give up(as you know, i wanted to). Prove to me that i am wrong. I want to love you forever till the end. I know is not easy, we shall walk and not run anymore. Take things one at the time. I just notice that, we really forget about.. Talk things out.
We must really slow things down now. =)

I love you dear, enjoyed our time at the botanic garden. Watch the stars, lying down on each other and not forgetting hug and kisses.

Happy 3rd Month dear, hold your hand tight.
Love you by your dearest Kai.

My dear look like girl! lol.

My hard working boy~

I find this really cute dear! =P

My skinny boyfriend~ =S

Our 3rd

Am the first to blog after so long. So much has happened. Both good and bad, tears and laughter.

Dear, i am sorry for what happened. I know i should not have shoot at you but you know how i dont like to be accused when the person accusing me does not know the situation. Am sorry that i keep breaking my promises and did not live up to your expectations. It is difficult at times, espeically when i just want to do nothing when i meet you yet we have to worry. I will try my best to change. And i hope you too will work hard. It was quite saddening when you said you did not feel like crying after what happened yesterday. It made me feel like our relationship was not that important to you. Whatever it is, i will never give up on you or leave you. I love you dear. I hope that things will go smoothly and i will try my best to be understanding and not to blast out and vent my anger on you.

Lastly, Happy 3rd Month dear. I love you
from you dearest ben.

Sorry and thank you.

Dear, am really sorry about 26 September, Saturday. Truly sorry. I really didn't mean it what i say to you. I am tired and say the things without thinking. I guess i am selfish and stupid.
and I want to thank you for not giving up on me. I really really need you by my side. I don't know and i don't want to know what if really happen without you around me. Am really sorry.

You surprised me after my work and thank goodness i didn't walk another way and lucky i turned a look behind. Dear! I really love you so much. I don't want you to leave me. Never love someone like this before. =')

Yesterday, 27 September, Sunday. Our 2nd time having sex! Oh my..Enjoyed myself with my dear. We seriously need to get a place that can shower and sleep. I love you dear. I shall go to sleep and join you now.=)

Two is better than One by your dearest Kai, meowmeow.

My dear unglam face. =X I still love you dear.=)

Thoughts

I feel like i am beginning not to know you anymore. You are changing and i guess i am also. Everything that happened just now....sigh. Guess we need to sit down to thrash things out one day. Thinking about it, it really hurts and pains me that you thought that way about me, all of those false accusations.
You know, you have tonnes of things that i am unhappy about but i never once said anything. Yet when you are unhappy with just a tiny bit of me you attack me. Whenever you joke around and make insensivite jokes, you making out with your aj boss etc, you think i don't mind and laugh it off but i do and it hurts because you yourself can make jokes about all of these but if i did the same will you be happy? If i said oh, i will go fuck my aj teacher, will you be happy? When you said that your teacher who might be aj is interested and nice to you, you think it did not affect me? I was afraid but i did not say anything because you said everything was fine. When your straight classmate squeezed your butt you think i was not worried that he might be into you? But you said he is straight etc so i did not dare say more. Everytime you say such stuff or make insensitive jokes or take about your past, all i do is just cry to myself. I don't even say anything let alone accuse you but you did when mine was just a dream. I thought that you were sensitive enough to know that whatever you say affects me but i guess you might not really be. You say that i don't care about you, then why do i get worried for? You can happily say anything you want but when i say something you get pissed and angry and upset. Tell me, who is the selfish one really?? I know after reading these you will keep like crap but i am sorry, i have to let out all my thoughts somehow if not i will explode. Please be more sensitve next time. I know that you like to joke around but there are tonnes of things to joke around and not just these. And please, watch what you say next time because it gets me really upset sometimes. I don't know if i should ignore all of these or just cry to myself thinking about it. You tell me. Should i be concern and thus upset and then i cry or should i just don't give a damn.

Your dear.

Wish i can help you..

Dear, sometimes i wish i really can help you do some of your work.=( But i know i can't, if i can and i don't know i know how. Am hoping you will be alright, don't want you to be so emotional over your work.
Guess what dear, I am trying to do as fast as I can to finish the ITE band design and i really want you to use our lappy because I feel that, you need it more then me for now. Will try to finish everything and let you use. Okay dear?

I want to help you dear. by your dearest Kai, meowmeow.

Your post.

You got me squeezing my eyes reading your post but is alright because is really truth what you write there. Yes, i do get sad and angry and so on because of you. You know me, i will try not to be/get unhappy, angry or whatever unless something really bad happened. Will always be happy and try to think positive always. Sometimes i cry partly because of you and because of me. Am scared about my future and yes, am scared about us too and sometime when you are asleep, I will cry and I didn't tell you that.Sorry. Because am really afraid about the future, and i think you should know why. I don't have a great family like others and my mum told me dad will be stop working after 3 years time?. That is why am really stress about myself and keep thinking about it and you should know my brother are useless, and I want to be there to suppose my family and of course you too. Is really hard for me and i know i always pretend nothing happened and always happy because i don't want you to think too much. You have your problems too and I don't wish to throw my problem, stuff whatever to you.

and I want you to know that i always love you no matter how you trouble me, how long i always wait for you, this and that. It's okay alright? but I want you to learn from all this as you say you want to change to better. Okay dear? Don't wish you to be how you are now, things have to change as you know am changing too. See, i didn't talk about my exs already and trying to stop what is coming out from my mouth that will make you upset, pissed at time.

I shall stop here cause my mind stop working and as you asked me to take panadol and go to sleep.=)
I love you dear and i can't wait to let you listen to the songs from boys like girls. Only like few of their song. Will see you later.! (if you are free and want to meet) and and sorry for everything if i hurt you but i know things won't turn out to be happy ending always. We will get through this together.

by your dearest boyfriend.

Emotional

Today, emotions ran quite high between us. Because of me you missed your ice cream buffet which you were so looking forward to. Don't know what to say about myself. I know you always hate it when i put myself down and start to say things about myself. I know that you love me for all i am but i can't help to tear at times at how much you love me. Sometimes i think about things, about us and stupid things come up which i know will never be the answer. Our relationship has been a roller coaster ride at times. You have to deal with all that i am but yet you still love me for all my faults. Thank you from the bottom of my heart dear. No words can express my gratitude and happiness, to know that someone loves me so so much. I don't know if i can love you as much as you love me but i want you to know that everyday, i want to love you more and more. It is funny how at times we miss each other so much but when we meet, one way or another, something goes wrong, someone gets upset and the outing is spoilt. I guess that is part of all relationships, the bitterness, the sadness, the laughter and the tears. At times i just want to run to you and cry out openly in your arms and know that you are there. Sometimes i want to hug you and never let go. I don't know what the future holds for us and i am scared. I am scared that i will not change for the better, i am scared that you will get annoyed at me and leave me one day. Both of us are still young and are emotional. At times the other is stable and is able to help the other. At times both of us are affected and are moody. I always try my best to be there and help you when you are down but i don't know how long i can do it. At times i am weak and i just want to be comforted also, i want to be reassured by you. I know sometimes you tear because of me. Not just because you miss me but because you do not know what to do with me at times. When i break my promise, when i am lazy, when things don't work out. Loneliness is a killer disease, but at times it helps to be lonely. In lonely times are we able to think. Sometimes i may not reply to you or be in the mood because my day is crappy or i just want some quiet time. I know for yourself no matter how bad your day is you will be happy when you are out with me. I may not be able to do that at times but it is not because i am not happy when we are out. I am, but i just want you to know that i am unhappy. Like today, if i do not write this you might not know some of the things i am feeling. The insecurities i feel at times about the things you say. How you know at times i feel uphappy when you say certain things. I know you were not serious when you were saying them but there are other ways to make me smile. Sometimes i just want to be a kid, and to have to hold me close and looking into my eyes, tell me that everything is going to be okay. You always wonder why i cry when i hear certain songs right? Well, the tears from crying helps to cleanse the soul and make the heart's cries be heard. Sometimes i have my mood swings, at times i want you to be serious in our conversations and outings. Sometimes i want to run away but i know i will be sad if i run away from you. It will not solve anything, it will just make things weird. Feeling negative and not knowing what to do, in our relatioship, in our life, at home and in school, things that both of us have faced countless times. At times i tell myself to look on the bright side but i can't help but be angry and sad and emotional at times. Banging my head against the wall, venting out the anger on myself by hurting myself. Trying not to burden you with my problems.I know you care and want to help but you have things to deal with too. It is weird for me, how we are already together for 2 months. Not because i don't like you or anything, but because i have never been in a proper relationship and i do not know what to do in the future, what to expect but i guess that is why we are journeying together hand in hand in our journey. I will always love you dear and i will always be happy to see you. I know my behaviour sucks at times but i hope you will not mind that. For all the times i made you sad or angry, i am sorry dear.

From your dear, Love you.
p.s. Don't think too much about what i wrote, just need to get it out of my head. Muack
Secrets in Stereo: Happy. The lyrics are what i want to say to you dear.