Seriously..

Am seriously disappointed, angry, upset, EMOTIONAL! You are getting more selfish then ever! You keep repeating the same thing over and over again. What is wrong with you dear? Really what is wrong?! I had enough. I care so much and this is what i get after caring so much for you? Everytime i just walk off away and you did NOTHING. What is this dear? So what if i really never come back when you think i will? Think about it dear..Please! I had enough of you this and that.. I give you space, i giving you this and that but feels like you taking advantage..Please dear, stop doing this to me. Is not easy for me to handle everything okay? Need you, need your help, need you to guide me too. Stop being so selfish and think about others. Please!

By your dearest kai.

Thank you dear.

Well, i felt that things can be way better then just now. Am sorry for my part. Just hurt to feel like i get cheated that is why am unhappy about. I don't know you understand me or not? and i think i really dont understand you well.. Am still working on it. Am giving you lots of space this days, if you notice. Am really unhappy with your friends. Dear, you can't tell all our stuff to your friends okay? I really don't like. So what if you are close to them? If you tell Jiselle about what happening to us, i really dont mind but not your close classmates. I am not comfortable about it. I never tell anyone about our problem to others, i will just tell them i argue etc..Well, maybe i do tell few details what happened but not all.. Some of them do ask me to break up with you which is, I DON'T WANT! cause if i do, am sure they want me to be together with them( either one of them). They are like devils trying to change my mind but they don't know how much i really love you and want you.

There's time i wanted to tell you that i wanna break up, but i think again. It will be just a waste.. Few of my friends really happy that we are so long together as a gay.. I know relationship can't always be happily ever after but i do still listen to you when you start nagging, scold me etc.. Cause i know you care and want things to change. I am trying to do something with myself which i can't cause you always start doing things that i dont like and make me fall and struggle to get up. If you know that, i have been closing one eye for all your mistake and i trying not to let it out cause i know things will turned out bad.

I shall go to bed soon..Is late and i know you have issue me sleeping late.All i want to say is, Thank you dear for all this while.. I want to be there when you cry and i want you to be here too when i cry. I love you dear.

Your dearest Kai.

Two is "better" than one?

I think two is making things worse than one. I don't want to give up this relationship that we build for 6months. At least now you experience long relationship, which am happy that you can handle the stress etc.. But things kinda gone bad to worse. Things have been so tortuous again and again. We talk things out, i guess we didn't solve it and just move on..

You know the day that i didn't really text you much, am happy about it cause things goes smoothly and yesterday things just go out of hand..Maybe is me. Well, of course is me. Always me. Hah. I giving up being nice to you. I do LOTS of things and this is how you treat me.

You always said, i am thinking etc.. But thinking about what?! You never even tell me what you are thinking or after you done thinking. Is like, you just doff things quietly and make me like the useless one. I care about things, how about you? I don't know..You always want sometimes to be alone this days. Which am really upset about it. But its okay. Everyone need it. But i just don't know who you are becoming. I don't know you anymore dear. I wish i can find you again and you bring me smile.

This is what i think..There is more which i don't want to type. Am sure you understand how i feel too. I miss you dear. Don't know who you are now. Wish you could just come back and light me up.

It happened, again.

Don't you find it unfair? Is like, all the places i bring you which you never even go before. Well, just forget it. Am upset, insecure, hopeless and more words to be say.. Am making tortuous tread in your life.

Part of Taylor Swift -Love Story lyrics, "This love is difficult, but it's real".

Still love you.

in lacuna times and times..

Here, now.

Here i am. I am sorry for what happened of late and i am sorry for the way i behave. But it gets to me whenever you give up and the way you do things sometimes. You say i can't do this and that but then you do things that i am unhappy about. I don't know about our future, how it will happen, what is going to happen etc. I need you to work hard, i am trying my best too and i hope you can. I want to help you in everyway i can, to be there for you. But sometimes i just feel like i should not, i should let you be independent.

I love you still, i really do. Not messaging you makes me feel uneasy. Please lets work to prevent that from happening again.
I love you dear.

Hugs and kisses
Ben

What else i can say?

I have nothing much else to say anymore. Seems like you don't even know how much i need you, talk to you etc... Well, it's okay. Since you want be that way, okay. I understand because i always the one who understand you and its okay you don't understand me. I know i am difficult.

Take care. Love you.

just leave me alone..don't have to care much like you used to.
to tell you the truth, i have no one to turn to. I have no one to listen to all my stuff.
but its okay.

Happy 6th.

Our 6th Anniversary is okay. Watched you sleep/rest make me want to hug you like a baby. =')

- - -

I totally hate today dear. Is like, what really the fuck? You, me..Us behaving like this is not acceptable. What going happened in the future? Us not talking equal to something is fading away. You want to know why i don't text you/sit beside you? Because i always make the first move and i wanting you to make the first just now but you didn't. I really nothing else to say.. Feels like you giving up on me dear. I don't want anyone to get in my way. I just want you dear. YOU! Sigh..Sometimes i find so pointless saying lots of things. I will end till here.

Am worried, scared, losing you. I don't want to live my own life, want you to be part of mine. Don't wish to be alone in this big world. I still need you dear..

New year

New year, new challenges. Nobody listens nowadays and things get harder. More complications, more issues, more emotions and more worries.

try to smile my tears away, i try to keep my cool.

What to do. sometimes i don't know what to do. Don't know if what i am doing is right or wrong. Am scared, unsure and alone....